O Lado B do A

I woke with a quiet mind, the weight of yesterday softened by sleep. Something inside me shifted— a simple but undeniable desire: to be happy, truly happy. No more games, no tangled lies, no voices raised in anger. I want love that feels like home, a refuge, a place to rest my soul. I carry within me the gifts I was given— a heart that overflows, hands that create, a spirit that longs to give without fear. I will share this only with someone who understands the sacredness of love. Let her be wild, but wild for me. Let her run free, but always find her way back. Let our problems be stepping stones, not walls between us. May we meet each other in truth— at the pub, in a long embrace, through tears, through laughter, through silence that needs no words. And if we ever lose our way, may she know that home is not a place, but a choice we make, over and over again. I no longer want to start over, to build and break, to rewrite my story alone. I want someone who understan...

Eu queria te ligar. Dizer que não aguento mais viver sem ouvir a sua voz. You once said I’d get over you if you disappeared from my life. Well, look at me. It’s been so fucking hard, missing you. Some days, it feels like my chest will explode. I met someone. But someone is not you. I think you said it too— "there is no one like you." We agreed to the biggest emotional irresponsibility. The risk? A heart brutally broken. Getting numb to escape reality only makes me want you more. I wish I were strong enough to break this barrier between us. I wish I could hear your voice again. Somehow. Please, come back home.

I'm healing. It hurts less now.  Sometimes, I even go more than five minutes without thinking of you.  I hope your journey feels the same.  It will get easier—before we find the courage to explore the brave side of us . One step at a time. Keep walking toward me. I'm here. Stay safe.

The calendar shows "busy all day" , e o dia parecia mesmo reservado pra mim. We were completely "out of office." Andei relendo nossas conversas. Esse dia foi incrível. Estávamos mesmo conectados. I wish I could be less intense. But that wouldn’t be me. You know, the thunder thing. I was a teenager wearing some weird, oversized man’s skin. I should have tried harder. Mas fiz o que pude. We ran out of time. It got late. And now I miss you. Todos os dias. You said so many beautiful things that day. Words rarely spoken anymore. I read them with a fucking big smile on my face. The real one. The one you like. Fuck, how much I miss you! I bet you miss me too. You once said, "I miss you more than I can fucking describe." Here we are. Still running? I cycled to Alexandra Palace. How’s Lulu? I miss you mixing languages— "I will never use it with anyone but you." How’s your Portuguese? We had so many lists, do you remember? LOL. Never The One With...

Ando me perguntando como é que se define saudade.

São incontáveis os dias sem você. They asked me to say goodbye. Well, I never thought that I would have to say goodbye. Not to you.  Eu, sempre preparado pra tudo. Não pra te perder. Eu ensaiei diversas frases. Pensei ser frio, funny, neutral. Pensei em não ser, não estar. Me entorpecer de algo até que tudo passasse e eu fosse capaz de ouvir a tua voz outra vez. Ou melhor, que você fosse capaz de me oferecer a tua voz again. Não sei colocar em palavras a falta que a tua falta me faz. E, ao mesmo tempo, ter que lidar com a certeza de que você irá voltar. Saiba, te espero com o melhor sorriso. Daqueles que você adora. E, em todo esse lance de dizer goodbye, me peguei pensando em te escrever uma carta.  Addressed to the fire. Mas o fogo não lê. O fogo devora, consome, reduz ao que já não pode ser tocado. Assim como o tempo. Assim como você. Então, deixo as palavras arderem até virarem cinza. Quem sabe, no próximo vento, alguma delas chegue até você. Quem sabe, um dia, você entend...