18th November, 2024

The calendar shows "busy all day", e o dia parecia mesmo reservado pra mim. We were completely "out of office." Andei relendo nossas conversas. Esse dia foi incrível. Estávamos mesmo conectados. I wish I could be less intense. But that wouldn’t be me. You know, the thunder thing. I was a teenager wearing some weird, oversized man’s skin. I should have tried harder. Mas fiz o que pude. We ran out of time. It got late. And now I miss you. Todos os dias.

You said so many beautiful things that day. Words rarely spoken anymore. I read them with a fucking big smile on my face. The real one. The one you like.
Fuck, how much I miss you! I bet you miss me too. You once said, "I miss you more than I can fucking describe." Here we are.

Still running? I cycled to Alexandra Palace. How’s Lulu? I miss you mixing languages—"I will never use it with anyone but you." How’s your Portuguese?

We had so many lists, do you remember? LOL.
Never The One With Road Trips. We still need to watch Friends together! A good reason not to have sex—watch Friends!

Quero dizer que eu não sinto raiva, nada de ruim me vem de você. It’s clean. E por isso sorrio ao dizer teu nome. It's real. Please, translate it. Can you see how fucked up I am? I can't even focus on one language. Você não me destruiu. I was already broken. When I think of you, my writing feels unstoppable. I’m writing that book you mentioned.

I can't believe you’re gone.
Sorry, I got lost.
I fucking love you.