O Lado B do A

Eleven days missing your voice. Feels like an unfinished song, a melody left unheard. Is it true, they say, that no answer is an answer? Because your absence feels like a response I wasn’t ready for. 00:00 am - The World is awake. Already, my thoughts have found you, And the year hasn’t even had a chance to start. Welcome, 2025

"I do love this song," she said. "Me too," I say. "I don’t believe in God, but I believe you’re my saviour." That could be our song, I think.

As the days of leaving draw nearer, my heart races uncontrollably. My desire to see you is so strong that I favourited the pictures I took of you. Yes, they are from that day when I couldn't take my eyes off you. And, not knowing how to fill the emptiness left by your absence, I thought this might help ease the pain. When the night fell and everything went silent, I found myself rereading our conversations. I could hear your voice. I fell asleep with the phone in my hand and dreamed of you. Still in silence, you came toward me, and I welcomed you with open arms. I didn't want to wake up. I tried to repeat it the next night and the night after. But this time, it was like the street outside: only silence.

Once, you said that we were connected forever. Well, I immortalized your words in my hometown. - If  I'm afraid? It’s only of hearing you say you don’t think about me anymore.

No, not my anxiety this time, but the way I've been thinking of you. It was Christmas yesterday, and here, we celebrate twice. Meaning: Since the morning of the 24th, I've been wondering what you're doing. If you cooked, if you picked your best dress—the one he loves—if you're having whiskey or wine. Both? Fair enough. Wondering if you're actually enjoying the quietness on your phone. And in your mind. Or if it's just—silence—numbness. Am I allowed to write this? Then, in the afternoon, I ask myself if you're happily picking up his shirt and if you're both matching clothes for tonight. "Doesn't work like that," I can hear your voice. And, in a lapse of time, reality knocks me out. Voices in my head now say that you've found your way back home, and I can hear your trembling voice saying, "I was not made to be split in half. He means home." "Well," I say. I never knew what it feels like to be together. We both cried. A...

Hey, Today is the first day of Summer here in Brazil, and guess what?  It's raining!!  They hate it. I love it! Reminds me of home which brings me back to you. The rain, the dark, the cold. Our bodies intertwined trying to find a corner where we can hide and just be us. Oh! How much I miss you. I'm proving you wrong as all this distance just makes me want you more. Is pointless having my mouth full and my heart empty if you are not here.  Can't wait to see you. Can't wait to stay together.  Can't wait to uncover the truth and scream out that you are finally mine. Can't wait to receive a text from you saying that you are coming home and home now means peace. Home now smells you. some now have the same directions on our maps. I know. Let me dream. When I'm dreaming you are part of it too. And there I can never lose you, because when it comes to reaching your heart, I'm already at a disadvantage. So, let me picture us while I still worship this love.  ...

Spent time with a friend yesterday, the kind who knows me inside out and where no masks are needed. She's been listening to my noise for 20 years now. Brave soul, isn't she? Told her about us . She loved you. That's how positive I'm feeling about it, us and the future we can build together. She loved the fact that I'm in love again after so many years and ready to make it happen, ready to call you "babe" and make myself home to you. I didn't bring the past because it doesn't matter anymore, does it? ok, I did mention the mistake of convincing myself you lied to me. She called me stupid and I agreed. And, besides my anxiety, here is where I am after opening up and hearing my own voice speak about us: I'm clearing the dust and I believe our trust can find its footing. I see the start of something real, like your smile after my coffee-flavoured kiss, my first stroke as I learn to swim, our laughter filling the space between us.  You resting on my ...

"You called it a choice between crazy and comfort.   And to an extent you might be right.   On Friday at Lisbon I had you both chasing me and both of you were upset in a different way and I felt it was all too much and it was only me that I could blame.   I so wanted to blame someone else.   Dodo said just said to take a deep breath because I looked like I was under water and allowed myself to breathe.   You don't have to bear it all and I shut the door and didn't talk to anyone shortly after.   For a moment I thought, I should be alone, I'm better without anyone.   You can not love or want two people, I lived my life thinking that.   You know I don't believe in God, maybe he will show up one day.   Maybe we just need to be too sure of something and the universe will prove you wrong. Yes, the universe.   I was fine until you walked into my life. You tell me not to measure love with time but intensity and I truly believe that's how you me...

I miss you in the middle of my day. Weekday in. Weekend out. I miss you when listening to Taylor. I miss every piece of you covered with my complaints. I panic about thinking I can't stay away from you for more than five minutes. I miss when playing video games. I do want to feel your presence by my side while  reading and watching your charm when bringing the wine glass towards your mouth  without taking an eye off the book. I'm watching the whole scene.  Your lips now taste like wine. I laugh. You ask me "What's funny?", and I say "You", and before your words break me, I kiss you. I'm drunk. On you. A kiss, a taste, and nothing else matters.

  I Spent the day thinking about you. Going through our old messages to trick my brain, and, somehow, I found myself questioning: when the hell did this start? I remember sitting in the office, trying to figure out why the hell they asked us to be there so early. We could’ve gotten there at 10 a.m. "What are we going to do?" I asked out loud. "You can entertain me," she said. It was enough to turn my head toward you. A soft smirk played on my lips as I found myself — surprisingly — agreeing. Shall we fast-forward two months later, and here we are? Still entertaining each other. Me, the tricky guy. Her, the secretly taken girl of my dreams. II I promised myself that I wouldn’t play games again. Not at work, not outside of work, no games at all! But 24 hours later, there I was, analyzing every breath you take. Is she gay? Was she hitting on me? Or is she just being nice? Or, STOP! No scenarios to be created. Move on and get over it! Until she comes back offering me a ...

"They say it will fade,   Those heavy burdens you bear,   The pain that lingers,   The sorrow that hangs in the air.   "It shall pass," they whisper,   As if time could mend,   The grief in your chest,   With a promise, my friend. They claim your joy isn't yours,   Nor the love that you crave,   Just fragments of moments,   Like leaves in the wave.   "It shall pass," they repeat,   But why must they hide   The truth of our struggles,   And the tears that we’ve cried? As shadows of heartache   Dance slow in the night,   Why can't they just tell us   What’s wrong and what’s right?   For though it may pass,   In the twilight's soft hue,   It’s the truth we seek,   And in that, we rise too. In the grief that we cradle, the love that we nurture, Are we, not fragments of moments, a beau...

  Is just the way how I feel... I cannot scape from it. "Hoje eu acordei com medo, mas  não  chorei nem reclamei abrigo" That's it! Um escuro. Um Infinito. Sem presente. Cheio de passado. E futuro. Will be fine. Eventually

I "There is a storm in her soul. Constantly stirring within. I see it in her eyes always. The electric vibration sparks when she is near. I feel my skin pricke, my heart beat to the sound of her thunder. The rhythm is exhilarating,  the feeling is terrifying. It's majestic."

"You are a thunder of beautiful things and I'm just glad to feel the rain on my skin as you pass.  It's you, with all your sass and bluntness and good heart and feistiness. The whole package. And all the signs of your strength. One day you will think back and realise that they were compliments."

The 1 - Taylor Swift now playing... Life would be good again if I could just lie down in your arms and be surrounded by silence. It feels comforting. And somehow I don't pay too much attention to the noise that silence brings to my mind. It will be just a noise, like Tay Tay for you. I got it now. Life would be good again If I could watch you taking your precious shower with no second intentions.  Just me, sitting there, following the water trace the curves of your body. It is just to make sure that every little detail of you by heart, without touching. And to find inspiration for my morning writings. Nice touch. If I'm allowed to play with words here. Life would be good again if my Sunday mornings tasted like coffee and smelled like you. I can picture us reading on different parts of the sofa, yet still connected by touch. You’re more touchy now than you used to be, and I love it. People sync, don’t they? That's why life would be good again If I could feel your touch in ...

is almost the end of 2024. If I had to go back and tell you a few bits about this year I wouldn't know from where to start. Here are some highlights: - A new job - Taylor Swift - twice - for the summer However, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I know this is the wrong artist I'm quoting, but it's true.  I won my battles against my own enemies and after the pain, I'm going home for Xmas. What a surprise! It will  be hot - very! - and special after 8 years. Wrapping this year up with family and friends is priceless. 39. I never thought that I could make it until here. Is like a new whole thing now thinking about my (lonely) future. Scary. Based on that I want to be clean, healthier, and stronger mentally and physically. What I really want is to be sober! Want to heal and be the best version of me for me.  And, in the end, managed to finally love - and be loved - the way that I deserved.  Dear reader,  wish me luck because I'm (feeling) ready for it! - ...

So many things to say with no one to listen. The cold and dark days — and completely cosy -, are knocking on the door, and I still haven’t figured out if your perfume is sweet enough to face the winter and the citrus freshness of mine. So many things to create with no one to share them with. I bought a new camera and some vintage film that perfectly complements the orange hue of your hair. To bring warmth to the feed and to our afternoons after 3 pm. So many places to explore with no one to accompany me. I made a list of my favourite destinations around the world, noting each one’s restaurants that serve your favourite dishes. There’s something enchanting about planning summer during winter. It warms the soul in a certain way. I’m sure it would take your breath away in different ways, just so I could use my mouth-to-mouth skills and hear you say I saved your life. In a way. So many decisions to make, and I still can’t find where my street meets yours, where my calendar aligns with your...

 I went out to the gym and left you sleeping. The sky is still dark, and a cold wind stirs the air. Last night, I watched you sleep. Such peace. I traced every curve of your body, and (re)sketched the line where your bikini kissed your skin. I let you rest, and soon, you woke to the scent of coffee. You said you loved it and had never tasted anything like this. I smiled and told you there was nothing sweeter than the taste of your kiss. You laughed. And I drowned in you. To be Continued….

Life has a peculiar way of teaching us lessons we never expected to learn. One day, everything seems to be in place: the stable job, the well-laid plans, the comfortable routine. And then, suddenly, the ground that once felt solid begins to crumble beneath our feet. It’s in that exact moment, in the midst of darkness and uncertainty, that we are challenged to truly find ourselves. I vividly remember the year when life’s clock seemed to speed up in ways I had never experienced before. It was as if time folded in on itself, compressing two decades of growth into just twelve months. I, who had believed I had everything under control, found myself standing amid absolute chaos. Every certainty I held was questioned. Every meticulously crafted plan was destroyed. It was as if life, in its incomprehensible wisdom, decided to teach me the true nature of impermanence. Here’s the truth that many of us avoid facing: life is brief. It doesn’t wait for us to be ready; it doesn’t offer guarantees or...

She’s not the kind who would catch my eye at first glance. The last thing I’d expect is to be drawn to her.  Yet she made a strong impression. Here I am, someone who relishes expensive perfumes and fine wine, while she’s got a whole crate of beer stacked up inside her.  But she knows how to speak. And she speaks so well. I, who enjoy dining in high-end restaurants where conversation is secondary, find myself with her — someone who doesn’t fit the bill. Yet she tries. Every single day, and she knows her efforts aren’t in vain. Especially with me, who’s never been one for trying and ended up losing my head. And you know what? I don’t want to look back and see where it went off course.  Dangerous! But she likes to flirt with danger. She must be the type who sends flowers.  The same person who’s got no hint of a princess about her.  Or was it me who was daydreaming of winged horses, castles, princesses… me… STOP! I stopped. But she made me feel so close.  So cl...