So It Goes

I paused.

The kind of pause where everything inside you screams, but the outside stays still. 

Silent. Numb. 

I sat in that silence, heavy and hollow. 

I’m empty. I feel sick—like something inside me rotted and leaked into my skin. 

I feel dirty in a way that no amount of scrubbing will fix. And my friends—they look at me like I’m broken. They’re right. But none of this started with me. This started with you. 

Your emptiness. Your sickness. Your dirt. You handed it to me, gift-wrapped in charm and fake promises. All this fucking time, it was your damage, damaging me. My vulnerability versus your game. You lied. You used me to save something you had. You told me you didn’t deserve my heart, and God, you were telling the truth for once. I should’ve listened. But love makes you deaf. And I kept loving you.

I over-gave myself to you, and maybe that’s my curse. But yours? Yours is never being able to forgive yourself for what you did.

You're everything I never want to be. And I hate that it took this long to say that out loud.

My weakness and pain were thrown into conversations like it meant nothing. Well, I hope you find comfort in the mess you made. You’ll never forget me. I cursed your name. And my ghost will haunt you every time he lays a hand on you. Every memory of me will claw its way back until the day they bury you.

I hope you hear my voice in every silence.

You had your choice. Now I have mine.

And I choose never again to let a filthy soul touch mine. You tried to crawl back into my dreams like a coward, hoping I’d let you rewrite the story. But I’ve closed that book. So I release you now—not with fury, but with finality. No more rage. No more echoes. Just silence.

Some chapters end not with fire, but with peace.

May you find whatever you're still searching for, far from where I begin again.