From The Vault

You know, I’m so deep, so intense, that any attention feels like love. I understand you, your pain, your thoughts, your moments. I’m deeply involved and I don’t know how to escape. I don’t know if I should stay or go, wait for you, or leave it up to fate. Fate sometimes plays with us and I wouldn’t say I like it. I give too much of myself and I stumble, hurting myself, even though I know what’s coming. I know you can’t say much and this silence cuts me and opens wounds I don’t want to nurture. But ‘every time I run away, I get closer, and losing sight of you like this is too painful,’ and I don’t know what to do anymore. I crave your complete affirmation because I already feel a connection, and I hesitate to get close to others.

It’s hard. I want peace. But I also want love, desires and wants that are physically fulfilled. You balance me and that does me good. It’s hard to be the hidden side when my heart wants to scream. It’s even harder to know that I can’t keep anything I write, only in my heart, if it fits. 
I’m overflowing.
And I’ve reached the point of fear. Some coincidences scare me. It’s hard not to think. My silence speaks louder when it meets your eyes. Maybe that’s the only way we’ll understand each other. I don’t want to spend my life without you, but if it weighs too much, I’ll leave. Without demanding anything. Without anything. I’ll just go. If I’m meant to stay, I’ll stay. If I’m meant to come back, I’ll come back. But every action is yours. Every song is for you. Every thought, every note, every melody. You made me feel what I never dared to feel again.
I’m here, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. It’s like I know where this ends and it’s not just in bed. I know you read it one, two, three times until you mark it in your heart because, for a long time, no one has told you what I’m telling you. No one spins in your rhythm and makes the hours double so you have your own time.
This isn’t a conquest, it’s a confession.
It’s love overflowing. It’s giving you the sky and carrying the moon photographed by me on a pendant hanging on your chest. Unique. Exclusive. Yours! Let these tears flow while this smile takes over you, and then you don’t know whether to cry from pain or desire. I understand you. Again. The worst part? Not being mine. If it were, the bed with white sheets and duvet would be smooth, waiting for this tired body of yours ready for a hug that has waited for you all day. Come! I’ll take care of the bad, the fear, the detachment, the broken. I’m the one who understands this the most after Drummond or Fernando Pessoa. Trust. Let go. A yes. For us.